Skip to navigation | Skip to content

My relationship with God


My relationship with God began with presiding over funeral ceremonies as a little girl. My best friend Karlye had a cat that expressed its love for us by leaving dead squirrels on the doorstep. This of course horrified us , but we would bury the “gifts”. Then, as the priestesses of the ceremonies, we would create a cross out of wooden sticks and pray to God to please receive the departed victims of the housecat.

As a teen, I retired from funeral ceremonies but would sometimes spend days just carrying on an inner prayer to God.  I only knew that when I did this, I simply felt better. But that was it. God was a serene energy somewhere out there…a bit of a mystery.

In 1996, my idea of God took a radical turn. I had been studying raja yoga for a few weeks and went to a retreat in Boston with Sister Mohini. She conducted a meditation and when she placed her gaze on me, I launched. In my mind I saw myself on a mountain. But it wasn’t an ordinary scene. It was as if everything around me was woven with a light that sparkled with jewels. It was similar to a near death experience in the sense that the solid world of earth and sound vanished. This luminous body of light that I recognized as God held out a hand and with just the eyes, invited me into a divine romance. This was definitely not a face of God I was expecting to see. I felt bathed in tenderness beyond any love I had ever known. I knew in that moment this would be a  lifelong link.

That experience revealed a few things to me. It showed me that God was a personality I could engage with in a real and beautiful way. It also showed me that He was in on my secrets and knew I had fallen asleep to sappy love songs since age 6.  So He knew exactly how to lure me in.

There were a few other transport moments where the doors to God’s world blew open and I became absorbed in some face of God …as the Mother, the blissful Friend, or the Guru.

But months later, I sat down with my teacher in angst and asked, “I’m no longer having these experiences when I sit in meditation. What happened? What did I do?”  She smiled and said, “He carried you as a baby. Now you have to walk.”
In time, I learned I was the one who needed to clear the path between my world and God’s world and that I was the one who needed to use the hands of spiritual awareness to open the door to God’s world.  Then He would take care of the magic.

One of my father’s friends once told me that you can be happy when you find someone to love that’s worth dying for and something to do that’s worth living for.  Raja yoga has helped me open the door to a Love that is truly worth dying for.  And I must say the fruits of what I attain through yoga with God are much sweeter than the perks of a housecat priestess.

Read more Personal Experiences